


To be a star

by benevolent_bear



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Harry is baby, Louis calls Harry baby, M/M, Pining, Sad, it's just sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25528897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benevolent_bear/pseuds/benevolent_bear
Summary: “I want to be a star.” Harry had told Louis. Louis always thought that Harry meant he wanted to be famous, it turns out that wasn’t the case.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	To be a star

Louis was 20 when he met Harry Styles, a fresh university student with looks that could kill. 

Louis was working as a tour guide for the university, showing around new students for easy cash. 

Harry was in Louis’ third group of the day, standing with a woman that Louis would soon come to know as Harry’s mother, Anne. The first thing Louis noticed about Harry was that he was a charmer, the bright smile he gave was enough to have the girls in the group shooting him coy looks throughout the entirety of the tour. 

Louis’ tour concluded at the dormitories, where all of the students would be staying. He gave his usual “thank you for joining me” and “stay if you have any questions.” Not many people opted to stay. Two shy girls accompanied by their parents and the boy Louis had been referring to as ‘Curly McDimples’ in his head. 

Louis answered the girl’s questions dutifully, wanting to leave Curly McDimples until last so he would have more of a chance to talk to him. As the second girl left Louis gave her a polite smile and curt nod before spinning around to where Curly McDimples was patiently waiting. 

“Hey, how can I help?” Louis greeted in an overly joyous tone. Curly gave him a smile, flashing his dimples.

“I was wondering if you could show me where the music studios were?” Curly was polite, not demanding in the slightest. Louis’ eyes widened comically. 

“Shit! I forgot to show my own course off.” Louis clamped a hand over his mouth when he realised he had just sworn in front of a parent when he was supposed to show professionalism. Curly laughed brightly and his mum smiled and shook her head. 

“Well, come along Curly, let’s head there now.” Curly nodded and turned to his mother, who kissed his cheek and wished him well. Louis was surprised to see Curly’s mum leave but just took it in his stride, leading Curly out of the dorm block. 

“It’s Harry, by the way.” Curl- Harry- Informed him.

“Well Harold, I’m Louis, like I said at the beginning of our tour.” Lois reintroduced, extending his hand out for Harry to shake.

Harry snorted a laugh but still took Louis’ hand, shaking it firmly. “It’s just Harry.”   
“Well just Harry, what do you want to be?” Louis asked, turning back forward to continue his journey towards the music studios on campus.

“I want to be a star.” Harry shrugged as if it were no big deal.

“Well, I understand why you’re doing a music degree then.” Louis decided, secretly wondering what it was that Harry did. Was he a drummer? saxophonist? Vocalist? Maybe one day he would learn. 

It wasn’t a long walk to the studios, they were the closest block to the dorms actually so Louis was astounded that he had missed them. 

“You’re lucky you’re with a third-year student, I’ve got a key to the recording booths so I can properly show you around.” Louis smiled, flexing his keys. Harry looked at Louis excitedly as he opened up the building, leading them through the space. Louis watched as Harry looked around at all of the instruments. 

“What do you play?” Louis asked in hopes of instigating a conversation. 

“Guitar and piano but I’m mainly vocals.” Harry supplied, lightly thumbing over the strings on an acoustic guitar. 

“I’m the same actually. I’m more into songwriting though, not sure I could make it with my voice.” Louis chuckled as he slid into the desk chair at the front. 

“I’m sure your voice is lovely. You’re your own harshest critic.” Harry’s words comforted Louis and that’s when he decided.    
“I’m going to keep you, Harry.” Louis grinned and Harry turned to face him, a look of bewilderment on his face.

~~~~~~~~~

Their friendship formed quickly, despite the two years between them there wasn’t a noticeable gap that people could comment on. Whether that was because Harry was more mature or Louis less mature no one knew. 

Despite being a first-year Harry wasn’t big into the party and club scene. He spent most of his nights in his dorm room, keeping quiet and tucked away from everyone else. Now that Louis thought about it he doesn’t think he has seen Harry interact with anyone who wasn’t him. Louis didn’t like this. 

Harry was so naturally alluring and yet he didn’t attempt to make new friends. So Louis took it upon himself to make Harry come to his student house, which he shared with 3 other guys. His 3 best friends, Niall, Liam and Zayn. Each remarkably different but so similar in the ways that they loved, unconditionally.

Louis sat opposite Harry on his bed, resting back on his heels as he looked at the pouting boy in front of him. Harry had his arms crossed over his chest and a crease between his eyebrows from where he has been scowling at Louis.

“Come on Harry, they’ll adore you just like I do!” Louis pinched Harry’s cheeks as he attempted to coerce Harry into leaving his quaint dorm room. Harry whined, swatting Louis’ hands away.

“No!” Is all Harry responds with, his frown deepening.

“Stop being a whiny toddler.” Louis groaned, jabbing his fingers in his sides in order to tickle him. Harry let out huffs of laughter as he thrashed in an attempt to escape Louis’ attack.

“I’ll stop if you come!” Louis grinned, digging his fingers in more ferociously. “Please, I’ll buy your takeaway.” Louis bribed. Harry let out a long whine before yelling out ‘fine!’ making Louis relent on his attack, sitting back on his heels.

“Glad you finally came to your senses, Harold.” Louis beamed, resting his hands on his hips in accomplishment. Harry just rolled his eyes, pushing Louis away with his foot that had come free during the attack. Louis gasped in shock, staring wide-eyed at Harry, who just smirked proudly. Louis then launched himself at Harry, tickling him again, much to the boy’s chagrin. 

~~~~~~~~

Louis pulled up into his driveway, knee bouncing excitedly at the prospect of Harry meeting his boys. It was mere moments before Louis was in front of the door, bouncing happily as he waited for Harry and his long limbs to clamber out of the vehicle. Harry was still pouting at Louis, his nervousness evident in his eyes. Louis swung the door open as soon as Harry was by his side and yelled up into the house. 

“Honey’s I’m home!” Louis heard the familiar thumping of Niall’s feet and then saw the Irishman bound down the stairs. Niall leapt at Louis, making him stumble back as he attempted to catch him. Niall always greeted Louis this way, it was a joke that ended up making them both happy so they kept it up.

“Jeez, Niall one day we’ll end up on the floor.” Louis groaned, placing Niall back onto his own feet.

“That day already came and went, last month you ended up breaking the shoe rack.” A familiar voice jovially pointed out. 

“Oh shush Li, we got a new one.” Louis huffed, gesturing to the cheap shoe rack Niall handpicked up at Aldi. “Anyway, there are bigger things happening. Like the introduction to my tree friend Harold Styles.” Louis stood aside to reveal Harry who coyly stood and gave a gentle wave.

“Ah, you’re the boy our Louis won’t stop going on about.” Liam grinned, offering his hand for Harry to shake, which he did gladly. 

“Stop you’re making it sound like you’re my dad and I’m introducing my boyfriend to you.” Louis groaned, throwing his head back in annoyance.

“Oh Lou that’s just like when we were in the second year and you brought Luke back and Liam and Zayn sat him down for the ‘what are your intentions’ talk.” Niall reminisced, laughing loudly. Louis shuddered at the thought. It hadn’t gone well. At least Luke had been upfront about his intentions, apparently, Louis was an annoying bloke with a good arse only good for a quick lay. That had gotten him punched in the face by Liam and screamed at by a usually quiet Zayn. Safe to say Louis hadn’t seen Luke since. 

“I try to forget,” Louis grumbled. 

“For good reason, the boy was a knob. You’re way out of his league.” Zayn emerged from the living room, leaning against the doorframe. “Stop hanging out in the foyer, we have a living room.” Zayn returned to the living room and the group followed on in behind him. 

“Mate you’ve got to stop calling it a foyer, it’s barely even a corridor.” Niall chuckled, plopping down onto their beanbag chair. 

“Shut it.” Liam swatted Niall over the back of the head with a stake of takeout menus. “We have a guest and he has to choose our takeout.” Liam then handed the stack to Harry, who had sat gingerly next to Louis on the sofa. 

After the food arrived Harry seemed a lot more comfortable with the other boys. They were quick to accept him and indulged his needs for embarrassing stories of Louis. 

“He does have some pipes on him though.” Niall complimented after he had just told Harry about his drunken karaoke show in a club. 

“One of the best in our course but he’s always so hard on himself.”

“Yeah, I know that. He won’t even let me sing. Even though he’s heard me sing a thousand times.” Harry whined. It was true, Louis had heard harry sing and he was awe-stricken by it. Louis wasn’t ashamed to say that he thought Harry had the most beautiful voice he had ever heard. It put his own to shame, Harry belonged on the stage.

“Is that what you want to do then? Become a singer?” Zayn asked curiously.

Harry shook his head. “I want to be a star.” The boys looked at him strangely but accepted his response with a polite hum. 

It was there that Louis fell a little bit in love with Harry, watching him smile softly as he told the boys his dream.

~~~~~~~~

The first time Harry and Louis cuddled happened to be the first time Louis saw Harry cry. 

Harry had been ignoring Louis for four days, which was unusual as the two practically lived in each other’s pockets. Louis was getting restless as his call went to voicemail yet again. When Louis tried again and got the same result he decided it would be best if he went over there to check on him. Once Louis got to Harry’s dorm block he went to the front desk, explaining his situation and begging for the spare key. The woman reluctantly handed it over, she had recognised Louis but it was against policy to give over the card. Louis thanked her loudly before rushing up to Harry’s dorm room, unlocking the door as quietly as he could.

Once he swung the door open he saw the vague shape of Harry in the darkness. All of his blankets were pulled up around him, ensuring no part of him was visible. Louis could hear the heart-wrenching sobs from Harry’s bed and let out a sad sigh at the sound. 

Louis quietly closed the door behind him and made his way further into Harry’s dorm, stopping once he was beside Harry’s bed. Louis reached out with a gentle hand and p ulled back the blankets to reveal a red-faced Harry. Louis’ heart broke at the sight. Harry looked at Louis, green eyes void of any emotion other than sadness, the colour dulled under the weight of his emotions. 

“Oh, baby.” Louis’ voice was soft as he pushed curls out from Harry’s face. Harry unfurled himself and opened up his arms. Louis cooed, the action was almost childlike and Louis wanted nothing more than to have Harry in his arms. So that’s what he did. Louis climbed into Harry’s bed and swept the boy up into his arms. Harry’s head on his chest and his own arms wrapped securely around Harry’s waist.

“I’m here for you baby, you know you can talk to me about anything,” Louis whispered, pressing a kiss to Harry’s curls and rubbing small circles into his hip. Harry just nodded wordlessly, sobbing quietly as he clung to Louis.

They stayed there for hours, neither of them breaking the silence that had fallen upon them. As Louis held Harry in his arms he was overwhelmed by how much love he had for him. Louis hated to see Harry hurting, it was probably the worst sound he had ever heard and seen. Louis gripped even tighter onto Harry, who just shifted in his arms, nuzzling his face into Louis’ neck.

“I love you,” Louis admitted. He wasn’t expecting a response and he didn’t get one. But Harry now knew, Louis loved him. 

~~~~~~~~

For the next couple of months, everything was normal again. Neither of them mentioned that night or anything that had happened. Harry went back to living in Louis’ pocket and Louis loved it.

Louis found Harry in his garden one night, hands folded over his chest as he stared up at the sky. 

“You alright?” Louis asked as he laid down beside him. Harry hummed, keeping his eyes trained on the sky. 

“The sky is beautiful tonight,” Harry whispered after a while.

“Yeah, it is.” Louis agreed, turning his head to face Harry. “So are you baby.” Harry snorted a laugh but turned his head to face Louis. 

“Thank you, Lou, you’re always beautiful.” Harry complimented, a soft smile on his face.

“Oh I see, you had to one-up me.” Louis teased. Harry rolled his eyes but still reached out for Louis’ hand, holding it against his chest. 

~~~~~~~~

Louis was in his house tonight. Harry had a paper due and Louis knew if he was with him he would just distract him so he opted to stay home. The rest of his housemates were at the club but Louis really didn’t feel like going. He was much happier sat in front of his TV whilst missing Harry.

A press of the doorbell distracted Louis from his thoughts of Harry. Louis groaned but stood and walked to the door, swinging it open to reveal a hoodie-clad Harry.

“Oh, hey curly. I didn’t think I was seeing you tonight.” Louis greeted, smiling at the sight of his best friend. 

Harry shrugged, “Want to go on a walk?” he offered, looking hopeful up at Louis. Louis looked down at his attire and sighed, slipping on his vans from the shoe rack. His hoodie will keep him warm enough. 

Louis didn’t question why Harry wanted to go on a walk, he was just happy to spend time with his favourite boy. Harry took the lead, walking them in the direction of the local park. As they waled their arms hung by their sides, fingers brushing ‘unintentionally’. Louis took a leap and intertwined his hand with Harry’s, enjoying the way his hand was made tiny whilst being held by Harry. 

Their walk was mostly silent, hands swinging between them with every step that they took. Louis couldn’t keep the smile off of his face, with Harry’s hand in his own he couldn’t help but think that maybe the feelings were reciprocated. Harry stopped them once they were stood in front of a fountain. Louis furrowed his eyebrows in Harry’s direction.

“Why did we stop?” He asked confusedly. Harry turned to face Louis smiling at him softly. Harry lifted his free hand and gently cupped Louis’ jaw, he leant into the touch. Louis watched as Harry moved towards him, ducking his head down until he was an inch away, eyes trained on Louis’ lips. Louis bridged the gap before Harry had the chance to, kissing Harry so softly. He wanted Harry to feel loved so he put every emotion he had behind it. Harry kissed back just as softly, so lovingly. Louis couldn’t help but grin into the kiss, making it difficult to continue. 

Louis was the first to pull away, beaming up at Harry who also had a smile on his face. 

“Come on curly, let’s get you home.” Harry nodded, letting Louis tug him in the direction of the campus where Harry’s accommodation was. The walk back was silent too but Louis couldn’t help but notice the tighter grip that harry had on his hand this time around, it made butterflies flutter in his stomach.

Louis walked Harry all the way to his dorm room, not quite wanting to say goodnight. Harry turned to face Louis and immediately leant down for a kiss. Louis was happy to oblige, offering up as many kisses as Harry wanted. They parted a few moments later, a sorry smile on Harry’slips. 

“It’s getting late Lou,” Harry whispered, inches away from Louis’ face.

“Right, Yeah of course. Good night baby.” Louis frowned, not wanting to leave.

“Goodbye, Louis.” Harry pressed one last peck on Louis’ lips before slipping into his dorm room.

~~~~~~~~

It was mid-afternoon the next day when Louis received a call from a private number. Louis picked up the call without a second thought. 

“Hello?” Louis greeted in his phone voice.

“Hello, is this Louis Tomlinson?” A very professional-sounding woman sounded through the receiver.

“Speaking,” Louis affirmed.

“We’re calling you as you are listed as Harry Styles’ emergency contact.”

“Oh God, is everything okay?” Louis interrupted, worry settling deep in his stomach.

“Unfortunately Mr Styles was found this afternoon after having taken his own life.” After that Louis dropped the phone. He screamed out in pain. Louis began to sob violently, unable to contain anything. Seconds passed before he was being swept up into the arms of Liam and placed into his lap on the sofa. Louis could vaguely hear Niall talking on the phone as he sobbed and screamed into Liam’s chest.

Every moment after that passed felt like a lucid dream. He could vaguely remember being taken to the hospital to say his last goodbyes to Harry. Louis doesn’t think he could ever forget just how pale Harry looked, the confirmation that he was really gone. The police officer that was waiting for them at the hospital handed Louis a letter, telling him it was addressed to him. He instantly recognised Harry’s handwriting on the front, spelling out his name with a heart drawn next to it. Louis clutched it tightly in his hands, staring down desperately at it. It was his last piece of Harry.

~~~~~~~~

It took Louis a week and a half of constant sobbing and feeling numb to gain the confidence to open the letter. He sat in his bed, wearing a jumper that Louis had once stolen off of Harry, the letter held between his fingertips. Louis gently thumbed it open, trying his best not to damage it. 

_ Dear Louis,  _

_ I always told you I wanted to be a star but I think you misunderstood what I meant. You see, ever since I was little my mum told me that when people die they become the stars in the sky so they can light up the dark for others when things get to be too much. For me, I don’t think there was a star bright enough. Every night I would look up to the sky, searching for that star but it was never there. I hope that now I’m gone I’ll be that bright star for you. I want to be able to guide you through life when the going gets tough. I’d like you to check for me, please. So once you’re done with this letter (I hope it’s nighttime) go outside and look up at the sky. If there’s a bright star out there for you, brighter than all of the rest, know it’s me, looking down on you. Because I care about you and I will always be by your side. Even though I’m not there to hold you in my arms anymore. I’ll always watch over you, seeing every achievement that you make, every person you fall in love with. I’ll see it all, I’ll be so proud of you. I am so proud of you. _

_ You may be asking why I kissed you if the next day I was just going to take my own life. The reason behind it is so very selfish. I just wanted to know what it felt to have your lips on mine, even if only once. Truthfully, Louis, kissing you was the happiest I had ever felt. As lovely as it was, it wasn’t enough for me to stay. Everything has been overwhelming. I’ve never felt as if I had a place anywhere. Even in your arms, I felt like something was off as if where I was was too good for me. I needed to go because you needed better. You deserve better. I was never enough for you. I loved you the moment I met you. It was as if you are a star among the living. You are so bright. Please keep on shining now I’m gone. Live the life you always wanted to before I came into it. I love you so much, Louis William Tomlinson. I hope the person you end up with loves you half as much as I did. Do. _

_ I’ll wait for you in the sky. _

__

_ Yours forever,  _

_ Harry Edward Styles. X _

Louis did as Harry asked. He went into the garden and laid under the stars, searching for the brightest one. Once he found it, he began to cry. The brightest star in the sky, his Harry. 


End file.
